Holy Pathway Ministries 125

Originally the title for this page was only going to be called 4 years on, for my intention was to only write about the change that had come at work with the new appointment of a facilities manager.

I started writing this two weeks ago, but having been in discussion yesterday (26/09/2015) with the manager about the changes being implemented he said “he couldn’t believe that he had been at the school 4 weeks already”

The fact that our visions match, a strong relationship has already been built up and He is building on the firm foundations I have laid within the grounds, giving him the credentials from which he can bring ORDER into the CHAOS that blighted many facets of the schools infrastructure because, those who were overseeing the management, were stretched beyond their limits which is now not the case.

I believe this is part of the vision given to me by The FATHER and the work that He has done through me bearing FRUIT.

I have written in THE RIGHT KEY the role i have played in bringing ORDER to the grounds out the CHAOS they were in, so if you read on you will see that this page morphed into something much more.

I was also waiting to write about myself and my history, but that story, or at least part of it also unfolded as I wrote, hence the new title.

This is the original starting place.

Today has been a very significant day for I have had a meeting at work that I knew was coming but didn’t know when, the fact that it happened today on September 11th 2015, I also believe is significant.

Where were you when the world stopped turning.

Now as the song says, if you have listened to it, I am not a political man, but I am an ambassador for the kingdom of God, so my words are from the King and what He says about his kingdom, I am not interested in the politics or hidden conspiracy theories I have no opinion and don’t speak about the clip other than it is a significant time in Gods history and the history of Israel.

The reason this page is headed 4 years on is that I began working in my current job at the school in August 2011, I do BELIEVE that I have been PLANTED here for a reason and was given a VISION at the very BEGINNING, one that has SUSTAINED me throughout, a VISION that has it is being fulfilled and bears fruit also builds my FAITH in the ONE from whom the I RECEIVED it.

However in starting to write this I sense it could turn into a bit of a history lesson.

As you may have read in MY HEART, I was lost till Christmas 2008, that’s when I gave my life to JESUS of NAZARETH and in a nutshell, He is the only reason for this site.

Anyway prior to that, I was totally lost, had been divorced twice, left behind two beautiful girls, and in stopping to ponder this and where to go with it, the thought “GENESIS” comes to me and the question, “where is the best place start?” and in the words of Julie Andrews in the sound of music, there is only one place to start, the very BEGINNING.

That for me was way back on January 18th 1962, I was born in Buxton, Derbyshire, England, apparently I was an easy going, loving and caring little boy with a sweet and gentle character, and now, some 50 years later I have been blessed with a son, Seth, who is exactly the same and the Father as used him to show me who I was and teach me so much of why I ended up like I did and how it went wrong.

It has shown me how the male stereotype of what men believe makes a man is so harmful and how it caused me so much despair, heartache and confusion growing up……..but that’s another story.

My parents names are John and Jean, unfortunately my mum died in March 2010 and we had had no real relationship for the majority of my life, boy what I must have put her through, likewise with my dad, He is still very much alive.

My dad worked at a local quarry, it was the main employment in the area, both my Granparents worked there and I guess it was inevitable that me and my brother Michael would do the same, which we did.

I just manged to scrape in on a government backed apprentice scheme, having flunked most of my exams at school. The reason for that being, I would have rather kicked a football about and having been blessed with the coordination and skills to play most sports at a good level, if my character had been up to it and I had been more dedicated, who knows where it could have taken me, but it wasn’t, my attitude to be honest stunk and by the time I was 13 I had already made up my own mind that I was on my own in this world and that no one really cared about me.

In rereading this page and editing, my HEART said to me that the attitude I had was the FRUIT of my dads ATTITUDE in that I would get by and EVERYTHING would be OK..………..that attitude instilled in me a LAZY streak which led me to BELIEVE I had no need to try in ANYTHING which GUARANTEED I would ALWAYS FALL short of the POTENTIAL that I was CREATED with and what was INSIDE me.

How did I come to this conclusion?

It was REVEALED as I wrote and re-read.

I believe my life has been in three phases, the first phase from 0 to 13 which was a gradual decline, and is a good example to illustrate what a FRACTAL is, how the first seed planted in our hearts, grows through being repeated and repeated and with each cycle the the tree grows from which will come the fruit of your life.

This is also a clear illustration of the PRIMAL ORDER of LEARNING, a Father teaching a son, through demonstration and repeated exercises till the Father reproduces himself in the son who becomes a master also.

Growing up I soon became the opposite of my character, a product of the environment in which I was reared, the loving, caring nature of the young boy being replaced with a selfish attitude, to full of my own importance, arrogant, full of pride, a victim of the mentality that you have to be tough to be a man, and conform to what this world says a man should be to get on………….it was totally against my nature……….you can probably see where my troubles were coming from………At the time I blamed my parents for it all………now however, knowing what I now know and understanding how the HEART works, the LIES I was BELIEVING to be TRUE have been REPLACED by THE TRUTH.

So while my life has been in THREE phase, there has only been one life and that LOVING, CARING nature which was my CHARACTER from birth is the same PERSON today, what is DIFFERENT is the SPIRIT behind the INTERPRETATION of my CHARACTER TRAITS.

My HEART now wants no more than others to have what I have, not because I want them to love me and think highly of me which was always my motivation in the PAST, for I craved LOVE, eventually RECEIVING it from the one who is LOVE when I LEAST DESERVED it.

While I say in MY HEART that this site is dedicated to those with mental health problems, my BELIEF is that, because we don’t KNOW or ACCEPT that we are SPIRIT beings, that we don’t know we are VESSELS CREATED to RECEIVE from the FATHER who should be our SOURCE of LIFE and that we were CREATED by the FATHER with TWO LIVES, we live SEPARATED from that SOURCE so our HEARTS are therefore programmed while the SYMPTOMS show up and are DISPLAYED through our SOUL, hence the BELIEF that our ISSUES are MENTAL,  when in TRUTH the REAL cause of ALL our ISSUES flow from the programming in our HEARTS.

My NATURE, my UPBRINGING, ALL the things that happened to me were DISTORTIONS of THE TRUTH, I was DECEIVED into BELIEVING a LIE from the father of lies, the ruler of this world. My world that was PERFECT while I was in the WOMB soon became, because of my parents and subsequently my disconnection from the SOURCE of LIFE, like the EARTH in the BEGINNING, VOID, DESOLATE a WASTELAND with NO LIGHT shining, I was in the DARK.

It was therefore inevitable because we were BLIND, in the DARK, that my HEART like the HEARTS of my parents, Grandparents would be programmed by the SPIRIT of DARKNESS.

What that first seed was, I am trying to ascertain as I write, the IMAGE that comes as clear today as when it happened of my first day at school, toddling off with my mum who was in tears, I sense I was her life and she did molly coddle, the slightest bruise, the slightest excursion more than a foot of the floor, the slightest sense of danger to my survival was suppressed, my sense of adventure and interest in all things to learn were curtailed.

Knowing what I now know, that attitude and my Dads apathy towards education can only have been detrimental to my learning process. In writing, I believe it cemented in me an aversion to learning, the seed had been planted and with each iteration of the FRACTAL my level of education at school was determined.

Coupled with that the fact that I was very visual, could see solutions and having seen a master at work repeat what they did, the fact that in me was a dancer or something creative and arty and a desire to help others, ALL which I now see in Seth. Yet it was suppressed by the world I was living in, that revolved around football and a macho world where men were the be all end and end all.

One of my problems was that I had been blessed with great hand eye coordination and the ability and skill to play most sports at a really good level, unfortunately, the ATTITUDE I had towards LEARNING was the same towards sport, so while I had the gift, the package was never going to be opened because I didn’t posses the drive and discipline to fulfill that which was INSIDE me.

Thinking about it now, my mum was always pushing, helping me with schooling, helping with spelling, its funny how in writing an image comes of my mum trying to get me to learn how to spell telephone, just outside our house where we lived was a red public telephone, but no matter what she tried, I couldn’t get it.

Now when I had my first two children from my middle marriage, and not knowing what I now know, I would EXPLODE when REBECCA and CLARE got something wrong.

An incident comes to mind of Rebecca knocking over a glass of water, an accident that any of us can do and she was probably only three or four at the time, very young, but I exploded, the thought of the animal that was inside me then, and now, the change is totally the opposite, but what seed did that sow, what FRACTAL was placed in her HEART in that instance.

Where did this rage come from, what was the seed?

Well I believe it comes from my dad, not the fact that he passed it on to me, but the fact that he was the opposite because his attitude was “oh everything will be alright” Ian will be OK he will get by. I more or less did my own thing, till my dads patience ran out and he could no longer hold in the rage he was feeling, at the time it was sword cutting my HEART, I did not know then, that it was programming in my dads HEART put there by his dad, whose HEART had been stolen from him by the First World War.

You see another problem my dad had was that he couldn’t show any emotion, he had got so much locked up inside himself that he didn’t dare show for fear of being seen less than he thought he should be, he had seen this from his dad, and the father of lies had taught him that he needed to hide it, put up walls and build defences around it.

As I said my Grandad fought in the First World War, survived it somehow but came back from it a total psychotic wreck and hid all that he must have seen away, the effects of that on him and my dad were devastating.

The ISSUES that this caused passed on to me in that it was not manly to show emotions, yet being such an emotional person it was inevitable that it would cause me much grief. I could not understand or come to terms with the emotions and the passion to be loving, to give myself, to be caring, which was in total conflict with the way I behaved and the SPIRIT of REJECTION that was growing within me.

Then the fact that my mum and dad worked and for some time I lived with my Grandparents at the top of the village we lived in, my brother coming along when I was Five so I was no longer centre stage, all these slowly but surly taking to me to the place where I believed my parents because they couldn’t see who I was, but in writing, NO, my dad couldn’t see who I was and he tried to mould me into what he thought I should be, which in fact, got to the stage where I wouldn’t dare disagree with him and I believed I had to be perfect for him to love me.

I stopped him watching me playing football for I couldn’t stand to think I might play badly in front of him and like I said I could see solution to problems, was very good with my hands and visual, but didn’t dare offer a solution which I could see would stop my dad struggling.

A particular day comes to mind, we were fitting a kitchen, it is quite comical really, but my dad could not get this 4 x 4 baton to fasten to a wall, whatever he tried it would just fall off, but he persevered till he had to go pick my mum up.  While he was gone, I secured the baton and when he got back two cupboards were hanging from it, it was easy, but the fear and anxiety I felt inside, one in the first place of not being able to help him, and secondly, the fear and anxiety of his wrath because I had hurt his pride.

Then when I was 11 my Grandfather died, we were really close, we did lots of stuff together, building guy Fawkes for bonfire night, played tents, drank coffee out of saucers, stuff i could never do with my dad, he had been in hospital for a while and I lived with my Nan during this time, a bed had been prepared down stairs for him coming home, I can see it all now as I write, but it wasn’t to be, he never did come home.

It was a Friday, my Grandads chair that normally was in the alcove where his bed now was had been moved under the front window, the house was the last one at the top of a hill, I was stood up on this chair looking out of the window when I saw a car coming up the hill, when it got closer I saw my mum in it, it was a taxi my mum never drove. I shouted to my Nan who was in the kitchen, “mums here” my Nan came through looking pale, tears all ready in her eyes, I didn’t understand I thought my Grandad was coming home, Nan knew different, before my mum had gotten into the house, my Nan just said “He has gone, hasn’t He” Yes my replied, when the realisation finally came to me, I turned around leapt onto the sofa which was across room and buried my head in a pillow and cried and cried.

I continued to live with my Nan for a while and shouldered the burden of my grieving Nan, it probably helped my Nan but not me and it compounded the ISSUE in my HEART of the REJECTION I was already feeling, which grew even more as the FRACTAL repeated itself, when my Mum wouldn’t let me go to the funeral. At the time it was another stab in my already broken HEART.

I now know it was my Mums love and her way of protecting me, but the spirit whose influence I was under told me it was because they didn’t really care.

The final nail in my coffin which brought the FIRST phase of life to end came one night and we were going to bed, I shared a room with my brother and I had some sweets, in fact they were Nutalls Mintos and I had three. My Mum told me to give one to my brother and I refused saying “No they are mine” with this my Mum flipped, she went and got a belt and started laying into me with it.

I had by this time become a bit of a nightmare, I didn’t show her any hurt and just laughed it off, I just got dressed and said ” see you I am off” and left home.

I didn’t leave for long, maybe an hour, in fact as I was walking away from home when I saw my dad drive past me on the main road, I was hiding behind a signpost, let him go a bit, then turned round and went home, expecting to get another belting but it didnt come and it was in that instance, that the thought came, “they really don’t care” and it was in that instance in my HEART, my parents died and I became an ORPHAN, I made a vow to myself, that it was all down to me, that no one would tell me what to do.

This however went totally against my NATURE, my CHARACTER, what was truly INSIDE me and from there on in I walked a path of self destruction. I went searching for what was missing in all the wrongs places, drinking heavily, gambling and everything I did I had to be perfect at it, life became one massive performance, that FIRST NEGATIVE FRACTAL , growing ever bigger and stronger, yet DEEP INSIDE knowing something was wrong, that what I was doing wasn’t me, but my HEART had been programmed and I was TRAPPED held in BONDAGE, CAPTURED in the CHAINS of the ruler of this world from who there is only one way of escape.

That escape came aged 47, having SEARCHED in so many places at my wits end, desperate, suicidal I screamed out for help and JESUS of NAZARETH entered my life and I was reborn, and there ended the SECOND phase of my life.

The THIRD phase of my life really started during the second phase, many strange things had started happening to me from about the age of 35, I had known all along that what I was doing wasn’t right, but something started stirring out of the ordinary and many times I thought I was loosing it, but again somehow knew the answer was coming because what I was feeling in these strange moments because they were out of ordinary for me, they were taking me out of where I was and for the first time, even though all around me in my OUTSIDE world was descending further and further into CHAOS and MAYHEM, I felt LOVED and ACCEPTED.

I was going through a divorce, my world that I had built on very sandy foundations was disintegrating around me, everything was falling apart and one day, during a trip from my local bedsit to see my girls, I was travelling up a hill where I would have to turn right at the top to turn onto the road where they lived, I was in bits, sobbing in the car, my HEART was breaking.

It is one of the main roads out of Buxton, quite busy but has I turned, the sun was shining so bright straight into my eyes I had to stop, I was totally blind, it had never happened before and has never happened since, I have had the sun in my eyes but ben able to see and drive but this stopped me in my tracks, I was engulfed in this bright light and has I say there totally transfixed, I heard a voice say to me “Dont worry, I will protect you and keep you”  initially I thought it was Hayley, my daughter who died, but in that instance I could see, my tears dried up and I could hear cars piping there horns all round me, I had brought the road to a standstill, I waved to them said sorry and went and saw my daughters, from then on many more things happened to me.

The major one was that I Got together with Natalie, who is now my wife and the mother of Imogen and Seth, I had met Natalie previously, twenty years before in the quarry where I worked and instantly there was a connection, but there was a problem I was married and we went our separate ways, however like any FRACTAL once it as impregnated your HEART, it is going to keep going, now Natalie got a great load of stick for being what people saw as a marriage breaker, nothing could be further from the truth, she never pushed me or chased me all the chasing was done by me, searching for that which was missing in my life, Natalie even moved 250 miles to London, there was no contact, but the seed had been planted in my HEART although it was something I never thought about but went on my merry way, drinking and being the man I thought I should be, I really wanted my marriage to work but deep inside I knew my HEART was wrong and the way I was behaving was wrong but when I tried to discuss the ISSUES I was feeling, I was told by Lynda, my ex, “oh stop trying to be something your not” and in trying to address the ISSUES with my family, my dad would tell me, “oh pull yourself together, go and have a pint with the lads, everything will be ok” it just compounded my feeling of rejection, that no one would listen, that no one cared.

The end of the marriage finally came on 29th September 2005, 17 months after the first decree, leading up to Lynda finally filling for divorce I had left the marital home and gone back on about four occasions, spending my time and living in bedsits where many things were happening to me and knowing that I was changing, I felt different and thought going back would be OK, that things could be worked out, unfortunately the circumstances from which I was running had not changed, and every time it wasn’t long before I was back in my old ways and I finally left for good early 2003.

I was living in a bedsit, still working in the local quarry but had what would probably be called a nervous breakdown, I went in one morning for the 6 till 2 shift, But I was in bits, I can see the scene now before my eyes, I was pacing up and down the control room sobbing my eyes out, I had totally lost it, so I just got on the phone to the guy coming on at 2 and told him he had to come in I needed to go.

Half an hour later he arrived and I just ran out of the control room without a word to anyone and went back to my bedsit, the thought of ending it all ever present in my thinking, for whatever reason I didn’t and I sought help, going to the doctors who prescribed prozac and seeing several Councillors which didn’t help any.

Natalie by this time had returned to Buxton and in this time we started seeing each other, but my HEART was all over the place, whatever made her stay with me I dont know other than she must have truly loved me for she sacrifice everything, I was a nightmare and messed her about something terrible, yet she was always there.

Natalie was the therapy I needed but in our being together caused massive upheaval with my family and obviously made matters far worse with my ex, Lynda, but I did finally get into a position where I thought I could go back to work which I did but no I wasnt ready but knew it was my lot and would have to stick it, or so I thought.

After messing Natalie about for long enough trying to find what I was searching for and in my looking having a horrendous experience that brought home to me exactly what I had in Natalie, I made the decision to commit to her if she would have me.

It was the time of the Rugby World Cup, we were both into our rugby,  the year England won and I went out to watch the semi-Final in a local pub and Natalie was there, we got talking, I told her where my HEART was and we became an item.

Three months later I moved out of my bedsit and moved in with Natalie who had her own house, I was still in the quarry, still struggling but with a mortgage to pay, Rebecca and Clare to look after and paying my way with Natalie, I had no choice, I had to make it work although it wasn’t.

Then one day I came home from work and after tea, Natalie gave me the local paper, the Buxton Advertiser and told me there was a job in it that she thought I should go for, now I was in to my sport, loved my golf and had become rather good at it, that was the cause of my first divorce but that’s another story, Had become first team captain of Buxton Rugby Club.

The job being advertised was for a green keeper at a local Golf Course, it appealed to me but I said “no way” I knew the money would be a pittance compared to what I was earning in the quarry and with all the financial commitments that were building up, my hearts desire to see that Lynda and the Kids would not be harmed at least financially and my need to support Natalie there was no way.

However Natalie said she would support, that things couldn’t really get any worse than they already were, and when she said to me “if you don’t take it your probably going to end up dead anyway” that sort of persuaded me.

So I applied for it, went for an interview and on valentines day 2006 I got a phone call while sat having a meal with Natalie telling me I had the job if I wanted it, I accepted it and in that instance went from a final salary in the quarry of £41,000 to £12,000 as an assistant green keeper at a local golf course, now most of you if you are reading this, will think crazy but it was like this big massive weight had been lifted of my shoulders.

The love of money is the root of all evil, half of my problems was the money, at 22 years of age the talk with all my mates at work of similar ages revolved around money, either what we were earning or what our bonus was going to be, but the biggest topic of all was the massive pensions we were all going to get when we retired, it was crazy, I thought then, we have 40 or so years to go, this is not life. The other half of my problem was that I knew I was in the wrong place, that it wasn’t me but it took me 23 years and HEART that was so BROKEN, SICK and DESPERATE, to get out and do something about it.

It is for this reason also that I write for in doing so and opening my HEART, I can HOPEFULLY help someone not to have to go through the same experience.

Unfortunately no one around me, those who were supposed to love me could see it, the one who created me could see it and He gave me the woman who I believe I should have been with all my life, my soul mate an she would go on to sacrifice so much more to see me better.

The change in jobs was the end of any chance of the separation being amicable ending in divorce in 2005 but what did all the issues revolve around, money.

Natalie sold her house in which we lived and used her own money to pay Lynda £10,000 and I personally through the settlement ended up £30,000 in debt but from this pitiful state, although I was still a mess inside we were happy and our lives started taking shape and becoming what they always should have been, Natalie decided to become a teacher and gained her qualifications, finally getting her first teaching job over in Stoke-on-Trent, England which was about a 40 mile drive from where we lived, I was still working at Chapel-en-le-Frith Golf Club about a 10 mile journey, so we moved out of Buxton, to a village called Whaley Bridge which was 5 minute walk for me to work and an easier commute for Natalie.

This was a turning point in my life, I had never lived anywhere else and although it was only 10 miles from my home town all the pressures that surrounded me, the drinking buddies, the desire to fit in was lifted.

However it was still all about me and the compulsion to be perfect in order to be loved was still also part of who I was, so coupled with this and a desire to contribute as a man my focus turned to being the best green keeper I could be, so I threw myself into education, an area where I knew I had let myself down but always beat up on myself believing I was a nobody because I didn’t have the qualifications. (See its called READING)

I finished two vocational qualifications within two years that should have taken four and then studied for three years and gained a sports science foundation degree. All this in order for me to become a course manager, earn the money but mainly because I would be able to say look at me.

So my HEART was still not RIGHT, I was still an angry man and the sickness of my HEART reflected in the way I was has a Husband and also as a father to Imogen, the fruits of the spirit, which I didn’t know about the time were totally lacking for I didn’t display any gentleness, gladness or self-control and there really was no Joy or peace in my life and knowing what I now know, there was also no love, I might have called it love at the time but to be honest I had no idea what the word truly meant. Unfortunately today not many do, for it is a word that is very contaminated.

Anyway being away from the drinking scene I had been in, I believed my drinking was coming under control, it was Christmas 2008 and I was about to find out, that what we believe in out HEARTS is what we truly believe and when it comes down to a battle over the soul and what is in our HEARTS, the HEART will win every time.

To cut a long story short I got totally smashed, fell of a bar stool got thrown out of pub, somehow managed to get home but at 47 years of age knew this was wrong, the next full of paranoia, and hating myself, I went to the pub and apologised but beat upon myself terrible.

It was then that Natalie, who is not a believer said to me “why don’t you go to church” I had previously been along with my Father-in-law before because Jesus did keep coming into my thinking and although I tried to dismiss it, it wouldn’t go away, so, just after Christmas 2008 I went along to a small church in Whaley Bridge and for the first time in a long time I did find a semblance of peace which soon disappeared when the sermon started to be replaced with astonishment, for it was as if the place emptied and I was the only person in the congregation and the words being spoken were just for me.

It was then that I gave my life to JESUS of NAZARETH………..And so began the THIRD phase of my life

Did things INSTANTLY get better?…….I think the answer to that is yes and no, I did feel lighter as if a weight had been lifted, my drinking subsided, but within my HEART, all be it I had no idea what it was at the time still had all its old programming but it was the start of what was and still is an incredible journey.

Now in my time at Chapel-en-le-Frith Golf Club and I say this with the utmost respect for my time there was precious and I poured my SOUL into it, but I would class the club near the bottom rung of the ladder, but I had help raise the bar for I had a big hand, armed with my new knowledge, in bringing in new machinery raising the standard of the course.

So while I loved my time at the club and because I wanted to be a course manager, I knew I needed a more high profile course on my CV and also one where I could put into practice that which I was learning doing my degree course.

Armed with my new belief, I was praying about this asking the Father for the correct course.

It was while doing the course I made contact with the Head Green keeper at The London Golf Club in Kent, England, and we would discuss, soil science and bio-diversity, the art of composting etc, but one particular day after we had been discussing the finer points of agronomy, I took a quick look to see if there were any jobs going.

You’ve probably guessed it, low and behold the London Golf Club were advertising and again to cut a long story short, I persuaded Glenn the Head Green-keeper to allow me to go for an interview and I got the job.

This meant moving down to Kent, which we did six weeks later because Natalie, who was a now a teacher had to give a terms notice, we moved and lived with the in laws for about 12 weeks, moving out when Natalie got a teaching job, it was also during this time that I attended church with my father in law where one Sunday I went back to the church in the afternoon for they were praying for people to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I felt led to do this, so obliged.

With Natalie getting a job this enabled us to move out, which we did and went to live in Maidstone, Kent, and a few weeks later I started going to Jubilee Church, I was still working at the London Golf club, loving every minute of it believing that it was what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life, however my Lord had other ideas because within a couple of months He started showing me how oppressive working there was and all the staff who should have been over joyed working at such a high end course were all miserable and the longer I worked there, the more it kept reminding me of my time in the quarry.

The Father kept showing me the unrighteousness and injustice in the work place, that it was the total opposite of His kingdom and I had not been at Jubilee long when I attended  church planting conference and had THE DREAM which became the foundation for all did, looking and searching for its meaning

It was hard working at the London Golf Club to see and hear the misery, but I was joyous, The Father taught me who He was and who and whose I was, healing my broken HEART but in doing so also showing me the HEART conditions of those guys I was working with and for, it gave me the HEART that I wanted them ALL to get what I had been given and I eventually quit to go and study the bible for 10 months at the church I was attending.

As the 10 month period neared its end, it was time to look for a job, my HEART had been mended and many of the negative IMAGES that my HEART had contained had been replaced with the IMAGES the Father had in His for me and my HEARTS desire was to give back, to do something pastorally, working with kids and young adults to be used by the Father so He could shine His LIGHT through me, but nothing ever became of my looking for work, ALL doors seem to have been closed.

The 10 months School of the Word finished with a graduation ceremony and my intention was, once it was over, to go up to Buxton and see my Dad for a week or so, we had had no real relationship growing up and with all that had happened there was quite a gulf between us but it had started to narrow, and then when I got back to Maidstone I would start to look for work, I was at peace, I had faith that my Father in Heaven knew the plans He had for me and when the time was right the appropriate job would be found, so I signed up with jobs for Kent putting in my CV with the anticipation of finding work when I got back.

The Father had other ideas, the very next day, Monday, I got a call from Landscape Services, they were looking for someone to be the Groundsman at The Howard School, liked my CV and could I go for an interview on Thursday, I explained that I was going up to see my Dad on the Thursday so I couldn’t and I was desperate to see my Dad but they needed someone to start urgently and I sensed that this was the job the Lord wanted me to do, so I delayed going up to Buxton early on the Thursday, went for the interview and got the job.

Now my intention had been to go up to Buxton for 10 days and come back and start my new job the following Monday but again the Father had other ideas, Mark my new boss needed me sooner, so knowing in my HEART that this was the job my Lord wanted me to do.

It was Thursday, so I told Mark I would come back and start the following Thursday, the only problem was Marks diary was full for this day, He was trying to accommodate me, but I could see he was struggling. I could also see in his diary that the only day he had free was Tuesday, so I put him out of his misery and told him I would come back and start on the Tuesday. I think this blew him away but that is what I did and we went up to see my Dad all be it for a shorter time but knowing in my HEART I had been CALLED by the FATHER.

So the Tuesday arrived and I reported to start the job, part of my induction was in being introduced to my new site and shown round by the groundsman from who I was taking over, he took great pleasure in telling me how bad both the school and Landscaper services were, this was in fact a strange experience for I knew in my HEART that the Father had called me to work here and I had this strange sense of peace within, but also was capable of discerning the truth behind what was being said. My feelings and instinct was confirmed to me when I was shown the container where the groundsman kept his tools, it was like a jack in a box as loads of equipment came spewing out of the door, the chaos of tools piled on top of each other and the total disarray spoke volumes to me.

However while the display spoke volumes about the persons character, the things he said about the company and the school started coming to light and it soon became apparent as the Father shed light that they were poles apart and to be honest the two deserved each other. There was a generic contract in place that spoke of fertiliser, mowing but had no specific data attached to it to which LS could be held accountable and the school had no idea what was required to maintain the grounds to even a moderate standard, so LS could get away with doing the bare minimum.

It soon became clear to me that the Father had placed me there to be an intermediary and to bring some righteousness and justice to the place because it was totally lacking.

The side of me that wanted to make a difference in the lives of children and help open their eyes to see JESUS of NAZARETH is what is really on my HEART, and I thought I was ready, but as ever the Father knew better and it soon became clear to me that I wasn’t, it shook me one day in trying to talk to several of the kids just how intimidated I was, which In fact as I write, looking at it now, although it did not seem it at the time, a positive thing because it showed me actually how vulnerable I was being reliant on my own pride and strength.

The Father showed me,  through many instances just how much PRIDE and past programming I had in my HEART.  He also used these instances to DISCIPLINE me and REMOVING my FALSE SELF.

The Father has worked through many of these but it wasn’t till I was introduced to the REDISCOVERY of the HEART Institute and through that the Father really showed me what my HEART was, IS and HOW ALL our ISSUES flow from it, that things really started to take off, culminating in the new facilities manager being appointed at the school, which has taken 4 years.

Which takes me full circle back to the start of this post, bringing us back to the present day having walked through a small history of my life, there are many more stories to tell, many attached to the ones I have told and others not told.

The date is now 21/09/2015, it has taken me a coupe of weeks to write this down and I close with a question that someone asked yesterday while I was on one of the REDISCOVERY of the HEART discussion groups

It concerned someones SEARCH for The PERFECT Job

The question was………….Maybe this is off the point but I am currently looking for work.  Feel like I am wearing myself out trying to find the correct job.  It occurs to me that I could be waiting on the Father for guidance.  Not really sure what form that would take.  Clarification?

On reading this question, the first thought that came to me is that the job you are currently doing is the correct job, the question I would ask is why are you looking, what is it you don’t like about the job you’re doing and what do you believe is the correct job.

Two scriptures instantly come to me, one that Jesus came to serve not to be served and give His life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45) Paul saying He learnt to be content in any situation.

Philippians 4:11-12 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

My thoughts are that so many people are dissatisfied with their lot, I hear it all day long, how people can not wait for it to be Friday, or thank God that it is, not knowing that the God they are thanking is the one who gave them the job in the first place, however that is not to say we should live our lives in purgatory or under any condemnation in a job we are hating for that is not the Fathers will for our lives.

INSTEAD though of just burying our heads in the sand and putting up with the misery of our jobs because we feel there is nothing else and accepting it as what our life as become, we should ask the question, why has our life come to this, unfortunately we don’t, mainly I think for two reasons, one, because we accept our lot, all be it reluctantly and two, we dont ask the question because we know we wont like the answer, however until we do ask the question, we cant do anything about getting the answer we would like.

We have to come to that place where we are thankful for the job we have got and become a shining light wherever we are planted.

In order for this to happen however, we have to KNOW WHO and WHOSE we are, in whose IMAGE we are CREATED, that in fact we are SPIRITUAL BEINGS, a VESSEL created to RECEIVE from the Father has the SOURCE of LIFE.